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Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 13, Episode 10
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the tenth episode of the thirteenth series. Key * HD - Hugh Dennis * EB - Ed Byrne * JA - James Acaster * AP - Andy Parsons * SP - Sara Pascoe * JW - Josh Widdicombe Topics Unlikely Things For A Sports Commentator To Say HD - And Hamilton takes the chequered flag. GIVE BACK THE CHEQUERED FLAG! SP - And you join us tonight for the boxing. I really hope a fight doesn't kick off like las--- Guys, guys can't we just talk abou--- (sighs) JA - Welcome to under 16s badminton, where the players are still laughing at the word "shuttlecock." EB - Oh, and the club has connected beautifully there, but according to World Boxing Federation rules, that's an instant disqualification. AP - And Switzerland takes the gold and hangs on to it even after the Second World War is over. JW - He turns, he shoots, and that is a horrible end to the Grand National. EB - Say what you like about dressage, I couldn't give a shit. JA - And slippery barters in first of all, arms and legs second, belly-flop boy coming on the inside, and yes, I have forgotten the swimmers names and have resorted to funny nicknames. JW - And you join me here in Helsinki for the final of the curling, and you know what that means: my career's going shit. AP - And the referee checks his watch and realises it was given by the Brazilian FA and he's gonna have to return it. HD - So will it be Oxford? Will it be Cambridge? Who will provide most of the new cabinet? JA - And there's a streaker on the pitch. Two words: hubba hubba. SP - And as they take the last bend, that is the end of the Bend Stealing Championships. AP - And it's the relay, and he's made a grab for the baton. Oh, that's not the baton, but he's got a smile on his face anyway. HD - AND ROSBERG MAKES A MISTAKE! HE RUNS WIDE INTO TURN 2! WHY IS HE RUNNING? GET IN THE CAR, YOU TWAT! Lines You Wouldn't Hear In A TV Detective Show JW - Next up on Channel 5 a woman has a painful wrist in RSI: Miami. JA - Of course I dusted for prints. I'm his cleaner, and he prefers to be known as The Artist Formerly Known As Prince. AP - How did I recognise him from just his genitalia? Well, it was the red and blue paisley pajamas around the outside. SP - Voltinken tinken a plinkenplonken uregla a bontil a ploga bun el buchil cavel bidutchel achovil achovan. Do you not speak Danish? HD - This week Rosemary and Thyme are joined by two Indian detectives, Turmeric and Chili. EB - So you're gonna arrest me for making rude and childish innuendos. I hope you don't expect me to come quietly. JW - This week there's panic in Midsomer as they meet their first black man. JA - Ah you said it was a whodunit. Yeah ,we arrested Hugh Dennis. HD - I think I have solved it, Watson. No shit, Sherlock. AP - There has been a henious crime committed on the Orient Express. Somebody has done a shit while the train was still in the station. JW - Leave me alone Watson. I'm gonna go back into my mind palace and have the wank of a lifetime. EB - The murderer has cut out the victim's tongue. Let's get that back to the lab, I've got some envelopes need licking. AP - Now constable, the fact that you've had to redo the chalk outline seventeen times should surely be an indication that the victim is still alive! SP - I shoot my gun like I shoot my load: Into my hand. HD - You're under arrest. You're not obliged to say anything but anything you do say means you'll be an actor rather than an extra and you get payed a bit more. EB - You say that at the time of the murder you were hosting Daybreak on ITV. So there's no witnesses to collaborate with. HD - Hello, we're the fashion police, let's see the body. Ooh, blue with green. He deserves to die! Category:Scenes We'd Like To See